my wonderful world

life update

2011-12-12T15:08:00.000-08:00

SO it's been a while. A long while. A little over a year.
Last post I mentioned/complained about wanting to get pregnant. Well, that happened. My son was born on August 3rd and he is absolutely amazing! The whole thing was pretty surreal and still is, really. Being pregnant was, well, pretty crappy. I got all huge and awkward and couldn't really train so I spent the year swimming which was a good time. I missed kung-fu a great deal and did what I could when I could. Actually, the day before going into labor I was doing forms in my garage and spent a LOT of time on the heavy bag in hopes of inducing labor.

I think the funniest part of the whole pregnancy thing was how people started treating me differently. To be honest, I found that rather annoying. Really annoying. Like I was a delicate flower or something. And people felt the need to tell me how awful their pregnancies were, or how rough their delivery was. I promise you this: NO PREGNANT WOMAN WANTS TO KNOW HOW SHITTY YOUR BIRTH EXPERIENCE WAS!!!! NONE. Not one! Why? Because it creates anxiety and promotes nightmares. For what it's worth - the birth of my son was fine. Did it hurt? Of course it did! It's not supposed to feel great. Was the recovery pretty tough, yup! Is it something I'd do again? Yep. So it can't be that bad. Honestly, it was a true test of strength, and I passed it just fine.

So I'm a mom now. That changes everything and yet nothing all at once. I'm not just me, and we're not just us & the dogs. We're parents. Someone depends on us for absolutely everything and that is probably the most terrifying thing in the whole world. At the same time, it's beautiful. It's profound. There are no words to describe that type of love and there's no way to explain how all the inconveniences of being a parent just don't matter because you would do ANYTHING for that little person and you wouldn't think twice about it. And when I say ANYTHING, that's what I mean. Definitely the start of the biggest roller-coaster ever and I'm loving the ride.

Watching my son grow is probably the most fun I've ever had. It's crazy how fast it happens (I know, they all say that, but wow is it ever true!) From one week to the next I can see him go from "fitting into that pj just fine" to "Oh wow, we need to get him some new clothes!" It's awesome. Also, watching him learn new things and discover the world around him is precious and it's forcing me to look at the world from a whole new lens and it's a beautiful lens where everything is just so darned fascinating! A reminder of perspective, the little things, the present moment, true beauty.

I worked hard after he was born at getting back to my old self. I was thrilled to have my body belong to me (mostly) again. I started by walking and worked my way up to jogging and running. I started doing yoga quite seriously and that was probably one of the most spiritually meditative things I've done in years. I am in love with yoga. I went back to kung-fu a ridiculously enthusiastic student who just wanted to devour every workout. It was PHENOMENAL! Here I am, 4 months postpartum and I am back to my pre-pregnancy weight. Wow! That part is wonderful.

There is one problem these days though, and it's really giving me a rough time. It's a long story, but the short version is that I have a herniated disc in my low back now from catching my 60 lb dog from falling down the stairs because she was partially paralyzed. Now, well, I can't even go from my car to the other end of wal-mart to buy diapers. It's sad. It's pathetic. It's depressing as hell. The infuriating part? I work my TAIL off. I eat well. I don't do drugs. I don't smoke. I limit my drinking. Yet I can't walk normally and had to be hospitalized a couple weeks ago because I couldn't get up off the bathroom floor where I had blacked out from the pain. It was embarrassing! And meanwhile there are idiots who take their bodies for granted and treat themselves horribly and they can walk just fine! Meanwhile, I have a hard time setting my four month old down in his crib and sometimes my leg cramps up while I'm changing him or going from one end of the floor to the other. The thought of going down the stairs with him is horrifying. It's a terrifying thing to be a new mom in the hospital, on morphine, having to supplement feed with formula, on a mat leave income wondering how the hell you're gonna lift your child when your husband goes back to work. I don't wish that on anyone. This has had me pretty down the past little while and I hope the feeling passes and that it improves. I've been doing everything I was asked to do by my doctor and am getting massage and physio. Oh, and I tried to talk to my family because I needed support, but all they do is preach chiropractic and it drives me because I don't have faith in that profession and am not willing to go that route. Rather than support me, they treat me like a child even though I'm a 30 year-old woman who is seeking treatment and that treatment is working. It's a slow recovery, but it's safe and it's working. Why mess with that? All I need is emotional support. Yet, somehow, that's not happening from the people I need to have there the most. And that sucks. That really, really sucks. And none of it is fair, and none of it is how it should be and that breaks my heart and it breaks ME a little bit.

Wow. I guess I had a bit of venting to do.

So things aren't perfect, but nothing is. Yet somehow in the midst of it all, I get uplifted every time I look at that perfect little face that's sleeping in his crib right now. I'm working hard at rehabilitation and am hoping to get back to yoga sometime soon and then eventually some kung-fu. Not sure if I'll ever be able to run like I used to, but swimming is somewhere at the end of the tunnel and that will be awesome too.

Life is good. It's complicated. It's imperfect and yet perfect in its own imperfection.
That is all. Continue as if you were normal.
-the Awe-Struck-Ninja

blah and blah

2010-10-11T18:15:00.000-07:00

So this is my world as of right now.
Went to coffee with an old friend today. We chatted for several hours and it was fantastic. This is the second friend this week I've had the honour of visiting with. He brought up to me today that he'd had a huge crush on me back in the day (and by back in the day, I mean 11 years ago). Why do boys do this? If I wanted you to tell me that, I would have asked! And so the awkwardness ensued and it was all confusing and uncomfortable. I hate it when that happens. Why can't I just be good buds with someone without all the boy/girl bullshit? I'm married for christ's sake! I'm not interested! Had I been interested 11 years ago, I would have said so! (Or have hinted at it!)
I had that issue then too. I have old friends who I considered the closest people in the world back then who threw the old "I want to go out" bomb. I hate this bomb. It ruins friendships!
I guess I should consider myself lucky, right? People were interested, and that's a good thing. Seriously though, it gets awkward. To the gentlemen readers - pay attention to social cues. Clue #1 - if she's married, don't bring up crushes from ages ago. It will only make her awkward.
Seriously.

So what else is new.

The back is acting up again. I'm worried about training. I started up again (FINALLY) and it was good. And then it wasn't. Just like that. I don't even know the moment on this one, but it got bad. My back hurts like a little bitch and I'm kinda crying for my mommy. Considering going back to swimming. Had started running and it started up. I guess Fu + running these days equals feeling like a little bitch. I will try it again soon though.

So our school is no longer training at the university and we've been building our own Kwoon. This equals construction work although I have to admit I've paid my money but haven't put in as much manual labour as I would like. Being a full-time teacher plus teaching extra-curricular plus a counselling internship plus taking a course equals too busy to do much manual labour. My husband is kinda doing manual labour for both of us which still isn't enough. I do feel some guilt about it, but I am honestly doing the best I can and it's only october and i'm already burnt out.

I've started learning how to meditate. I have a long ways to go, but it really grounds, me, man! I like it. It's calm, and not stressful and it helps me find peace.

I'm a bit drunk. On a thanksgiving monday. I'm classy like that. It's been about a month since I was last drunk. Here's what's up with that:
We're trying to get me knocked up. It didn't work again. I found out today. So with supper I had 2 glasses of scotch on the rocks. It was delicious. The up-side to me being all "trying to conceive" is that on the day that I realize it didn't work, I'm a really, really cheap drunk. So that being said, I'm really disappointed. Again. 2 months. I'm oober stressed anyway, so it's no surprise that it didn't happen, but still.. coming from huge catholic families, you'd think getting pregnant would be super easy, right? I did spend forever working at not getting pregnant, so I guess that's the irony of such things.
I'm really sorry. Optimism is a bit low, but I know it's all good and for the best and all that crap. I'm allowed one night of being a bit bummed out though, right? Conception sucks that way, you get all excited and then all of a sudden it's all like "am I preggers?" and then "oh, I guess it wasn't time" and sometimes it's really not so fun. I wonder what's in the cards for me for real, though. I hope the prego thing happens. I am kinda bummed, at the same time kinda not. It's all scary and I don't know how or when or if it'll happen and, well, being that I'm all "type A" and whatnot, it's not so good. I don't like not being able to micromanage everything. I suppose that's why the universe was all "nope, you're not ready! No soup for you!" on me. Yeah, that's what it's all about! Perhaps it's a lesson on letting go and being patient. I'm gonna take it that way and focus on learning to meditate. All things in their own time. Fingers crossed for a mini awestruck ninja!
That is all. Continue as if you were normal.

facebook - the eternal love hate

2010-06-15T17:39:00.000-07:00

I have two major confessions to make.
1) I absolutely hate and detest facebook.
2) I am a facebook addict.

Why the love hate? I must admit, I love peering into other people's lives, and I like displaying the things that are good about mine to those I am close to and even sometimes, gloating to the assholes I went to school with about how much fun I have today. It's kinda fun to see who is on there the most, what they post, what is important to them to show others. The real question for me though is "are people really who their fb profiles say they are? I dare say they probably are not. It makes me sad to think of the people who base their own concepts of how great their lives are on what other people post. Just a thought. Mostly, I like it because it's the fastest way to communicate information. I love that I know how some of my dear friends who live far away are doing almost every week just based on what's been posted.

Why the hate? Oh, the usual government conspiracy domination through facebook blah blah blah. I wonder if they own that photo of the time my roommate and husband and friend all got really drunk playing risk..... that'd make a great magazine ad for "why you shouldn't drink children!" I can just see it now:
This is your brain normally.... this is what you'd look like drunk.... any questions?

That is all. Continue as if you were normal.
-the awe-struck-ninja

Sad thoughts - an Ode to the Departed

2010-06-14T19:19:00.001-07:00

Ode to the departed

I had to hold my breath
until I noticed the body
that really wasn't yours
soulless... like putty

I watched your wife cry
in the funeral parlor
in the church
in her father's arms

I watched your father
broken, a shell of a man
your mother by his side
looking like she needed directions

I looked at your wife again
and pretended not to picture
her when she found you
hanging, not swaying

I looked at your brothers
and at your sisters
but had a hard time peering
inside their eyes

I looked inside myself
and found the constant pit
and somehow, I understood

-the awe-struck-ninja

*Just keep running*

Insomnia ridden madness

2010-06-14T19:03:00.000-07:00

What is the matter with me? I don't understand why I can be so completely exhausted and then the minute I shut the lights and get into bed, my head gets spinning, and not with anything of any consequence whatsoever. I literally lie there thinking "I wonder if we should invite people over this weekend?" or "what should I make for supper tomorrow?" and even "What will I bring to the park for the day in the park with the students next week? A frisbee? My football?" yeah. Lame. I should be wondering about techniques of killing people with swords or the best way to throw a tornado kick (because clearly, the tornado kick is the best of them all, right? Yeah. Next time I fight someone I'll open with that.... haha - that's a sure way to lose a fight no matter who you are! I wonder if they'll see this kick coming, well, just in case they don't, I'm going to swing my leg in a complete 360 before heading towards the opponent... hah!)

Madness. Insanity. It's all crap.

I tried Zumba today. You'd think after 11 years of kung-fu that I'd be coordinated enough to dance, right? Well, that was a sight to see. Swinging my hips while turning in a circle and trying to do cool arm gestures? Oh, I don't know! Rub belly, pat head and do front kicks? That I could master. Dancing? Not so much. Lots of fun though. The best part was that we all didn't care and we were all there just to have fun.

< rant >
why do parents think it's a good thing to stand up for their kids when their kid didn't study for a test? Why do they think it's the teacher's fault? How do they think it'll help their kids grow up to be better people if they do stupid shit like that? It's completely illogical. How does this sequence make sense:

1) Kid does not listen in class
2) Kid does not study
3) Kid fails quiz and/or test
4) Parent gets upset at the teacher and won't back down
5) (step 5 is optional) Parent makes up lame excuse and goes above the teacher's head to the administration to beg for their kid to get a second chance on said test/quiz
6) Teacher is made to re-test and re-correct and re-grade the kid

Does this logic make sense? What ever happened to.
A + B = C? Why does Z have to intervene and add all these other steps? In the end. The kid learns that when they fuck up, their parents will still think they shit gold.
I digress.
< /rant >

Well, I guess I'm gonna try sleeping again. I also wonder why being tired + going to bed does not = sleep. Let me know if you figure that one out. Maybe it's temporary insanity? Hmm... take out the temporary and I might be on to something....

That is all. Continue as if you were normal.
-The awe-struck-ninja

she's back!!

2010-06-13T17:15:00.000-07:00

Wow - it's been ages! I can't believe I forgot to keep this going!

Since the last post (not the Remembrance Day tune), well, a whole lot has happened!
I tended to write mostly about Kung-Fu, so I suppose I'll start there:

After training and the grading being pushed ahead, and then training and the grading being pushed ahead, I finally went for my black belt - and got it! That was over a year ago now... It was an awesome time and I would do it again in a heartbeat! It was exhausting, and nerve-wracking, and stressful and when it was all done, I sat in a corner and cried for a bit. Then, I got to sit on the back of my friend's truck and drink a corona and it was the most delicious beer I've ever had!

I hit a slump after that to say the least. Although I realize grading for a black belt only makes you a serious beginner (that is correct, it teaches you, like always, that you really suck and need to train more - that's the beauty of a belted system!) I found things getting political in our local school and then I got annoyed at pressures being put on without intention from any of the schools. Bottom line, I needed to step back. So step back I did. I think I'm gonna start training again now.

It's been the better part of a year since I've been away from the school, not due to politics but injury (more on that later). Being away reminded me of what I love most about Kung-Fu. At the end of it all, I miss my family and I miss having the group that hurts all the time as bad as I do (from being sore from training hard). I hope the by's are still training hard so that they can put me through hell when I go back. I also hope they don't bug me about being away. Nothing pushes me away like a guilt trip - hey I was raised catholic, ya know! I really miss the gang. A lot.

So, in my Ed. Leave, so to speak, I got into crossfit a bit deeper. Man, that shit is crazy and it's awesome and I LOVE it! I love never knowing what the next workout will be. I love going through the sites to choose exactly the right workout for the day, and I love how it makes me collapse at the end of it no matter what we did. I love that I'm physically getting stronger in ways I never thought possible and, well, obviously, I love how it makes me look physically the more I train. Granted, thanks to max lifts this past december, well, I went out of commission. On a max deadlift, I slipped a disc (partially slipped, I think) in my lower back. I am mostly recovered now. It's been 6 months of hell!!! I'm not one to complain of pain, but when my back was bugging me to the point where I thought it was either a glute or leg injury and I couldn't bend down to tie my shoes, I knew something was wrong. I went to my massage therapist and after a few treatments, we deduced what it was. I spent most of the winter swimming laps at the University's pool.

Swimming laps worked out well, and it was nice to go back to those roots as well. Unfortunately, I don't think much of the fast lane swimmers and I get frustrated in the medium lanes. It's amazing how cocky people can get and how rude others get. After about 3 months of training there, I was finally acknowledged - I felt like I was going into the wild and being accepted among a clan of chimps or something. Chumps, chimps, meh. No offense to them, well, maybe a little bit of offence. It's one thing to want a good workout. It's another thing altogether to be snobby for 3 months of swimming along someone who clearly does keep up just fine and follows proper pool etiquette. Regardless, they're nice to me now, but I don't swim there these days since I'm officially back to doing crossfit and also taking a boot camp with a gang of my coworkers. Starting to get back in shape. Kung-fu again soon, I think as well...

So, on top of all this drama, I also started taking my Masters in Education in Counselling Psychology. It's been a very very very tiring journey. I just finished course #4 this past Thursday night when I submitted my last paper. It was pretty cool to say the least to be done this one - that was the hardest course thus far by a long shot! My puppy (oh yeah, we got 2 dogs since I last wrote on here) had surgery on Friday, and I got to spend Saturday doing whatever I felt like doing all day long!!! I watched some random tv (which I haven't done much of lately), put on a cute little swimsuit, grabbed some beers, some tunes and a good book and read on the back deck for a good while - it felt SO GOOD to relax completely! I felt like I was back in the Dominican! Man, I hope to see more of that this summer!!!!

Major life events other than the last grading since I last posted (In no particular order):
-Got engaged to my chum!
-Got married!
-Bought a mini home
-Sold our mini home
-Bought a real house!
-Got a dog
-Got a 2nd dog.
-Had various other pets that eventually passed away (our rats are all dead as are the birds - the last of which was eaten by one of our dogs...... oops!)

wow - this is one domestic list! For what it's worth, babies are not in the 2-year plan. Not even sure if they're in the 5-year plan. Also, to help that list look a little less domestic (not that there's anything wrong with domestic), I am probably the only bride on this continent to ever do kung-fu forms in a wedding dress. Also, our house contains many many swords and other weapons, and our garage holds workout stuff and no car. There. I feel better.

Beyond that, life's pretty good. I find I've somewhat isolated myself this past year and I am definitely feeling pretty lonely because of it. Oddly enough, I've hit a point where I really need a lot of down time, me-time and space. At the same time, I really need people too. Gotta make more time to be social. I suppose that is one side effect of teaching full-time. You give of yourself all the time so sometimes it's nice to just be a hermit.

I will be posting more, I have lots of rants in me that need to be published somewhere.

That is all for now. Continue as if you were normal.
-the Awe-Struck-Ninja

energizer rabbit ninja nights

2006-03-15T19:06:00.000-08:00

so, I get braces tomorrow. For the third time. I got hit by a car 8 years ago and have been having dental work done ever since... something called TMJ. Anyhow, I"m down to 1.5 years left of this crap. I spent a good 20 minutes looking at my teeth in the mirror tonight, flossed twice, and ran my tongue over my ever so soft pearly whites at least .... well, we're in triple digits for sure. I'm gonna miss my normal smile. Ah, 18 months, the countdown starts tomorrow. I'm tired.
Grading is in 3 sleeps. I'm not even nervous anymore. Anxious to be done. I know I"m there and now I have to go prove it. Good times indeed.
My chum is sick tonight. He's curled up and probably sleeping by now. He looks cute. I can't wait to go cuddle in. He's been so fabulous these days with me never shutting up about either kung-fu, or my kids (students) or dental stuff. Either way, the guy has patience. Lots I could elaborate on there. He's definitely my guy. I've never been this way before. It's all new. Not innocent though, and not naive. I've been in a few serious relationships and I know what I'm talking about when it comes to this stuff. This one's different. He knows it all. Knows who I am, the good and the bad. And vice versa. We make sense and we work well together. I know, it sounds cheesy, but I'm just head over heels for this guy. It's stupid happy. That's what it is. I know he'll still be there tomorrow night. Ik now he's not going anywhere, and I'm so ridiculouslyhappy when I get home at the end of the day and he's there, or when I get home and he gets home from work. I just adore the whole thing about it. There's a lot of comfort, and a lot of plain old happiness. When we're talking, it's a real high for both of us. Not stealing energy from each other, just letting it flow evenly. It's really nice.
Right, ninjas don't feel. Ok. haha. whatever. I'm a ninja, and I feel. Ok, if I were to be anything, it'd be a monk who trains because ninjas are the bad guys, but still, its ounds so much cooler, right? I guess that's why I'm awe-struck. How can you be a bad-guy if you're awestruck at the world around you in a positive way, right?
Ok, it's off to sleepy land for me. Big 5-hour dental appointment int he morning. This shoudl be fun. *sigh*
Getting tougher every day. I'll be hard as nails in a few years! :)
That is all. COntinue as if you were normal.
-the awe-struck-ninja

that one moment...

2006-02-21T19:19:00.000-08:00

it's there. You're sitting in the ring facing your opponent, and you bow. Begin. It is the most intense feeling in the world when you fight someone. It feels like at that moment, you see the person for the first time. All of the rage, and all of the calm at the exact same time.
I had to fight at the end of class, at the end of an over-tiring day. Started runnign x-country lately, and I overdid it the past two days to the poitn where I injured my hamstring and it hurt to really use it. Then, at the end of a class when I think I'm done for a while, my sifu says he wants tos ee some forms and wants to watch me fight. Of course, he tells me this one thing at a time... well... I'm used to that now. When sifu says tojump, I jump, when he says to fight, I fight. I was exhausted though and I really didn't feel I did well at all. Apparently, everyone else thinks I've improved and I thinkt hat I still suck. Ah, the perils of learningto fight and do martial arts, (particularly kung-fu...) as you continue tod o it, you continue to realize how bad you areally are at it all.
So, I fought my fights. WHen I had to fight my chum, (he's a black sash, and very technically and physically sound hehe... hehe...) I got hit in the diaphram.... really hard. Harder than ever,a ctually. When I breathed in after this, it made the loudest sound.... almost like I was terrified... it hurt and all,a nd it was reallys carry, but mostly it was confusing. I didn't know I could make that sound. So, I panicked.... and kept fighting. I guess that's supposed to be a big step... continuing. My mentality about it all is that if I keep fighting or stop, itll hurt either way, I might as well keep going...
in that one simple moment, a lot of things made a lot of sense. I realized that I can continue no matter how bad it feels. (My hand, well, one of my knuckles was/still is swollen too about 1/2 of a golf ball at this point (hence the typos...s orry).
Then, my sifu talked to me about combinations and footowrk and made me fight again (another unexpected fight), which was fine and all, but I was so tired that I wanted to move faster, and I knew I had to, and I did inspurts, bbut my body just wouldn't really do what I wanted. It was so weird because I generally control it all, but at that point, it was one fight in my head, and what I was doing was completely different. Hmmm. I have much to learn, but it's coming. I'm terrified and not at all scared about the grading all at the same time. Less than a month left. I'm doing it regardless, so I guess being scared doesn't matter.
I'm figuring it out. I think it'll be fine.
I'm gonna stop typing now, my hand hurts.
That is all, continue as if you were normal.
-the awe-struck ninja

mixed emotions

2006-01-11T17:03:00.000-08:00

So here I am on the first wednesday evening back from school. Wishing already that tomorrow will be a storm day. (It won't of course,t here have been no major storms this way yet this year, I'm hoping our time is yet to come. Watching waiting wishing.)
Spent a wonderful holiday both home and at my boyfriend's family's place. My brother was home for the first christmas in 11 years. Needless to say, it was a peak of amazing times and life felt very complete. The kids were up and unbelievably adorable. So much so that now that they're gone I've got a seirous case of the blues. Ah yes, the january SAD season and the blahs because summer seems SO FAR AWAY! Ah summer, how I miss thee!!!

My chum was home for family pictures and everything and my niece kept tellign him that he should marry her auntie. Needless to say, that spawned an interesting discussion between us after several drinks. We both agree that we eventually want to marry each other someday. That was pretty cool. It's funnyt hough, this is one of those discussions we've had but we both evade the topic otherwise. I know it'll happen someday, but we never say mucha bout it directly and it's pretty funny. I feel like that little kid witht he crush about to pass the note that says: "Do you like me? Circle one. Yes, no, maybe." tee hee.
I've never been so crazy sick in love before and it's a very different feeling. He's sleeping in our bed right now as I write this, and I have to say, he looks pretty cute. Okay, stop puking, I'm done now.

*end girly moment,a fter all, ninjas don't have feelings*

An old friend of mine got in touch with me recently and I have very mixed emotions about that conversation. He and I were very close when he lived here and we've always been good friends. In fact, he is one of my favourite people in the world and will always remain as such. I was left with the impression during our conversation that he'd had feelings for me and was rather dissapointed to hear of my current "shaked up" status. It broke my heart to think that I may have broken his. He's been away for 3 years now though, and nothing was ever really said between us. For a long time he was someone I called my "what if" guy. Everyone has one of those people, right? Well, he was mine, so to find out that I may have been his "what if girl" made me feel really odd. I would never change a thing, but I'd hate to thinkt hat I hurt him in any way. How do you approach someone about that though eh? "Hey, did you used to like me or what? Sorry if it sucks for you that I'm super happy now and that it'll never happen for ya. Best of luck with your life though!" Yeah, no. Who knows what the case is. He'll always be one of my best buds regardless of what may be in his emotions now. What a weird thing indeed.

So I'm back to school again and as much as I'm happy to be back, I'm really bored.
Part of me wants to go on sebatical so I can do something different. It's really stimulating work, but the kids are doing projets and it seems the motivation is just not there. I've gotten a ton of work done and I"m beyond cuaght up and even ahead of the game, really. I wonder if it'll always be like this. I know it's onrmal to feel weird at the start of this type of career though so that's probably the deal.

Kung-fu. Oh yes, did I ever slack off on that one over the holidays. All of a sudden I'm back into that and find out that I'm grading in 2 months. Can you say "kicking into overdrive?" Yeah. This is going to be interesting. I hope to walk normally again in 2 months!!! hahaha! Worked on kicking tonight and mentally rehearsed all of my forms. It was good times.

What else is new? Nothing really. It's all been pretty boring and super exciting all at once. Life goes and I experience it as much as I can and I'm damned happy about that. I think I'll keep on keeping on and see where it takes me. Sometimes it's a matter of finding stillness, right?
Take care of yourself.
That is all. Continue as if you were normal.
-the awe-struck-ninja

sunday morning

2005-11-27T05:54:00.000-08:00

sundy morning I'm waking up....
slightly hungover, mostly just really tired. Took care of one of my good friends last night as she puked her guts out. She never even drank, it was just a stomach flu. "what a rip-off" we all said to her. We chilled out together until about 3am, and for some reason at 9am the girl upstairs decided to vacuum and I decided to be wide awake. Yuck.
Had some breakfast, contemplated the mess in the kitchen and decided to not do anything about it until my beau gets home. Why bother with it now? I'm still sick as a dog. Stuffed up to the max.
Went to a friend's house for a party last night, then out to a show at the capital. The party was fun but this guy who was there was chain smoking and that really bothered me. (No offence to your friend, I know you're probably gonna read this. I know you know my views on smoking anyway though, so it doesn't stress me out to rant on this point. ) It's true though, smokers have become my pet peeve. I've come to find it beyond rude to smoke cigarettes in people's houses. I find it beyond rude to force other people to breathe your smoke. Especially if one of them you know is sick. I'm so stuffed up today, it's pathetic and it won't go away. I hate colds, they suck. I just want to go for a workout today, but I don't think my body's able to handle that yet.
Went shopping for running tights yesterday. Tried a pair of underarmours on. Man, runners tights are tight. My exact reaction to the ones I tried on was: "Holy spandex batman!"
I meant it.
The capital. It was fun but my girl was sick so we wound up hanging out with her in the bathroom all night until Fat Jeebus started to play and then we left. Was unfortunate to not see the band, but it could be worse. Plus, one of my ex-boyfriends friends were all there and it made me really uncomfortable because I could see them staring at me almost as if they were expected that I still be heartbroken 3 years later or somehting. I remeber when this breakup happened, I took it really hard and let HIM know that. Well, his friends always looked at me funny after that happened. Also, it was the first time during a breakup that I ever had to worry about his friends. That's never been an issue, but for some reason it was here. I got completely snubbed by this group of people. I found it beyond weird. Anyhow, there I was last night doign my little hippy shuffle and I spot this guy watching me and making it a point to dance his way up to us until he was right next to me. Luckily, I'm good at ignoring people. What am I supposed to do? Go on this big long talk about my past and how things have gone in my love life since this breakup? Sheesh, give me a break! Plus, the guy, (hindsight) was a loser anyway! I'm not gonna waste my time explaining that I was upset 3 years ago to these losers now that they suddenly show up curious. It was annoying. My love life is beyond great right now. I don't need to justify anything to anyone.
I looked great though. That was fun. :)
Well, I think I'm gonna watch a couple of episodes of Sex and the City and sip on some hot tea. Maybe my nose will stop running. That'd be lovely! :)
That is all, continue as if you were normal.
-the awe struck ninja

slow down everyone you're moving too fast...

2005-11-24T20:54:00.000-08:00

I sit here in my empty apartment listening to the sounds of Jack Johnson soothing my sore throat. Contemplating making yet another cup of neocitran so I can get some sleep tonight. Couldn't stay at work, couldn't go to kung-fu. I feel so ancy! I lost my voice this morning. So completely that I couldnt' have called in sick if I'd wanted to. So what did I do? I went to teach w/o a voice. My students got a good laugh. I had a sub in for me by the middle of first period. Came home, watched movies. Ate grilled cheese and chicken noodle soup (cayenne pepper rocks!) all day and drank neocitran. That stuff is a crazy drug, let me tell you! Whoo! Just watched Million Dollar Baby. It was a fantastic film and I think I'm going to keep it. Very inspiring. Chicks who fight are rare. Now I want to go fight. Good sign indeed. I'd lost my drive for a good fight for a while there...

Fought last tuesday. Poor guy. I got the impression that he may have been overconfident. Maybe I was trying to prove something too... anyways, I hurt him pretty bad. Was aming for his abdomen, but I kicked the guy in the groin.... twice. Well, the first was a low punch. Wasn't aiming for his groin either time. Don't know what he was thinking going for a sash and not wearing a cup though. That's just crazy stupid. Yeah. I felt kinda bad about it, but at the same time another part of me felt good about it. That sick, twisted part of humanity that allows us to enjoy hurting another living thing. "Destroying something beautiful" as it was once said in Fight Club. To hit someone and hear them double over. It felt good, but only because he'd hit me in the mouth and that made me mad. Sometimes I have the edge for it and I know I can make something with it. Other times I can't see it at all. Regardless, my knuckle is still swollen. It's been injured for over a month and I keep hitting stuff. Bad sign. I need to heal. My body's had enough, and I think that finally resurfaced in the form of a cold. Kind of like my body decided that I was going to take some time off wether I liked it or not. Well, I have to go to work tomorrow, so the cold's gonna have to wait. Stubborn. Yep. French and Irish is a dangerous mix.
Weather's been miserable tonight. It was great earlier, huge snowflakes. It's weird. I just don't want to be in limbo. Either it be winter or summer, but this in between shit sucks. Rain in November sucks. It's too cold and it makes me grumpy. I think the flu makes it worse too because you get all achy.
Complain complain complain.
What else is going on in my world?
Well, my best friend and I (one of my best friends and I) have been off speaking terms for about 3 months now. I'm suffering from major withdrawal. I really miss her. We lived together ofr about 5 years or so. She moved away, and we started growing apart somewhat. She came back and we kinda had a falling out because I didn't stick with her on her birthday because I got free tickets to go see the Rolling Stones concert. (100$/ticket). I even offered to take her with me but she was really mad. It's a stupid reason to be fighting, and I"m not even sure if that's why we're not talking, but I'm gonna assume it is. Regardless, I really miss her. What a stupid way to end a friendship. I'm a coward though, I can't call first. Tried to instant message her earlier though, but there was no reply. She might just not be there. Regardless, it hurts. It's the kind of hurts that makes me cry when I even make allusion to it. Kinda sits somewhere between your solar plexis and your heart in a big ball. I hate this. I don't konw how to swallow my pride and call her. She did a lot of things that really upset me before we got to this and I wouldn't even know how to talk about it with her if it hit me right smack dab in the face. What do you say to someone? It's been so long now. She did some things that really upset me. Talking shit about me about stuff she didnt' even know both sides of.... I feel like she kinda just ditched me, assumed the worst and then took the first out of the friendhship that she could take. I dont' know. THat's probably not it either. REgardless, it hurts deep. Maybe I'll use that in my training and make it come out that way. Regardless, I'm keepign it all in and it's making me sick. Probably why I lost my voice. Reiki practitionners would say that's exactly right. And I am one, so I guess I kinda think that's the case. That's why I tried to message her earlier. I dont' know what I'd say even if I did get through. I miss her a lot. Funny how you can hide these things so deeply that you almost forget they're there, and then one day you find yourself crying out of nowhere and it all comes out that that's what's really bothering you and that the reason you thought you were crying isn't at all the reason. The mind is an interesting thing indeed.
Anyhow, I think I'm gonna go fix myself a neocitran for real. I'm tired and I need some sleep.
Sorry about the rant. It seems I only write on this thing when I'm mad lately. My apologies.
That is all. Continue as though you were normal.

just floating

2005-11-15T23:38:00.000-08:00

I'm super tired tonight. Had a rough night at kung-fu and I must say I'm at an impass with this one. We've been fighting a lot in class, and I know I'm improving a lot, but I'm so bruised up that I'm finding it hard to do anything right. Sometimes I get really down on myself about my kung-fu. My forms are great, they've come a long ways. Of course, they're never good enough, and they never will be and I accept that. But, lately, I just get really nervous and worked up about fighting. It's like, I know I have to do it, and I know I can and I know that I have a lot of potential. I know that if I were attacked for real, the attacker would have one hell of a struggle and I could most likely get myself out of it. But in class, when sparring, I just don't want to. So much so, tonight, that I thought I was gonna throw up when I was told that we were gonna go free-style now. I don't get it. I think it might be all in my head, but my hand is swollen and has been for weeks and I just need to be away from it all for a bit. It's enough to make me not go to class almost. (and train on my own for a few weeks, I'm not implying every quitting, that's not even a remote option. This is my lifeline, I'm talking about here.) There's a LOT of pressure, mostly from me, but also from my teachers. I don't think they realize that I get so nervous about it. I know they dont' realize it because I don't talk about it with anyone really. Well, I tell my boyfriend because he is one of my teachers and works with me a lot. I dont' really have to tell him because he reads me like an open book. I've kinda mentionned it to one of my friends in class to, but mostly this is a big ball of frustration and energy that just sits heavy somewhere in my chest. (the solar plexis and heart chakra to be exact, a little in the throat too.)
I don't get it. But I need to get it out because it's not healthy. I shouldn't be like this. Sometimes, actually, almost always, I feel like I'm gonna puke before I go to class. Just because I'm nervous about fighting. I mean, honestly, what the fuck, right? Suck it up already. I know I'm a tough kid and I know I'm a decent fighter.
I'm tired.
I want to be able to roll up my sleeves when I teach and keep them up when my other staff members are around once in a while.
I've gotten over how cool the bruises look. It's getting old. When will the bruises stop? This is supposed to diminish over time. I've been training a while.
My forms were awesome tonight though. I could feel it. THat felt awesome. I did them and when I was done, I could've kept on going just fine. That's improved a lot. If nothing else, these hurdles, they've made me a lot stronger. I think it'll all pass. I think I'm gonna get a lot out of this, but in the meantime, I'm really bummed out about it all.
Acceptance, non-judgement
just for today, I will not worry
Just for today, I will let go of all negative thoughts
just for today, I will love all living things
just for today, I will be grateful
just for today I will dedicate myself entirely to my work.
just for today... right? and then again tomorrow.
First snow is gorgeous.
Stood outside and stared at it. It looked like TV snow. Absolutely beautiful.
The poetry of nature can always bring me back to where I really am. It brings me peace. No matter what goes on inside, that is always there, and it always stays and it's always so calm. I find such magesty from it all.
I think it's time for bed.
Until next time...
that is all. Continue as if you were normal.
-awe-struck-ninja

haha... it's been a while

2005-10-11T16:40:00.000-07:00

Change is a good thing.
I truly believe this.
A lot has changed since the last post.
Where do I start?
Well, I no longer live alone. I also no longer go out with the same person anymore! Ah, the drama that stemmed from that! Not so bad for drama in the end. As it turns out, I fell for one of my closest friends. My ex, in turn, fell for one of my friends. The guy I fell for is friends with my ex. THings with the ex had died on its own though. Regardless of the popular opinion judge that spread rumours during the transition, so to speak, all was done loyally and as tactfully as possible. All parties involved are very happy now, and still good friends.
My new chum, we are very much together now, and I've never been so smitten! He moved in at the end of August and living together has been an adventure! It's good. I've never known I could live so well with someone for that matter. As per any new roommate, there are kinks and we are getting to know each other in the frame of reference that is out apartment. I often get picked on because of the"closet monster" I develop in our room at the front of my half of the closet. Yes, I am one of those. I generally don't know what to wear. My best friend (one of) once pointed this out to me in a poem she'd written about dressing, exactly how I feel about dressing. Here's her poem:

Thoughts on Dressing

To dress is a simple burden for many reasons.
If your view is that your clothing must reflect how you feel,
then you must decide how you feel before dressing.
If awoken with a mind unwilling to cooperate in the early morning minutes
where you are faced with the task of decideding how you feel
then,
dressing may become a difficult
and complicated
task
indeed.
--anonymous

For obvious reasons (this is published online), I cannot tell you more about her. But she's awesome and I cannot wait to see her again over coffee. :)

So yeah, I get up, I put on clothes. Decide I don't feel the part. Strip that off, leave select article of clothing
-on the floor in front of my closet-
pull out another article of clothing
try that on
decide if it works with my mood
change again. (if necessary)
and so on
and so forth.
Yes, it's a time-consuming thing. It leaves a mess of non-dirty and probably now, wrinkled, clothing at the foot of our closet. I need ot fix this. I think I'll put a basket in front of that spot and start dropping them there. Only clean clothes though. Hmmm...
ah, sometimes I'm such a flake. Like right now. When it comes to such mundane things.

Teaching.
I teach grade 7 and 8 now. Overall, it's good. The 8s try me hard. They're the hardest class in the school, and it's my first full year teaching. You do the math. Not good!!!!
Last friday I was convinced that I was headed both feet first into a burnout. I was to the point of exhaustion that involves dry heaving and a feeling of hopelessness. (mainly because I'm terrified of puking). I spent the weekend relaxing and I think it helped a lot. I'm more calm and I smiled a lot today. A sincere smile at that!
WE'll see.

Started weightwatchers. Yup. I did. I do it online and I have to say, it's a good program. I've lost 7 lbs roughly so far. Well, it's hard to say. I remember being 155 lbs at the end of last summer. Now, bear in mind that most women lie about their weight, so I probably told poeple I weighed about 140. No. I weighed 155. I weighed in at 143.5 last wednesday, and I weigh in again tomorrow. I've lost more than 7 lbs, really. But I started counting at 150. I broke 150 last summer at my brother's place when I was visiting them out west and they were following hte program. I fluctuated until early september, and now I've lost right down to 143.5. My goal is 138. My unofficial goal is 135. No lower. Lower would be bad.

My other goal: Girl abs. Yup. I think that's damned hot and I've been aiming to get them for years. I checked it out this weekend, and I have the line down the center of the abs even into the lower abdomen now. Damned proud of myself. TOugh though, that's wehre I gain weight really, so this'll be my last big accomplishment. Once I get there, I'm totally gonna go out to Mexi's for some delicious nachos, and I might splurge on cheesecake too. Damn that'll be a good meal. Then back to a normal healthy regimen. Blargh. It'll be a great treat!
I'm learning how to eat less calories and still find foods that fill me up. It's interesting. I must say, I'm on a journey.

Fu tonight. Last week, I got hurt pretty bad at fu, plus I was overtired. I'm gonna nap tonight before going. I'm also unsure as to wether or not I really want to fight this week. We fight every class now and by the time we get to that point, I'm generally pretty tired. Sometimes I just don't want to fight. I can, and I do, but I just don't feel like fighting these days. I want my workout, and I want to do it on my own. I don't even feel like doing drills. I just want to be in my own little bubble, tune out everyone around me, and push my limits harder than ever. I guess I could consider the fighting part another way of pushing my limits.
The thing is, I give so much energy away during the day, and I'm pretty drained come 8pm. By the time I get to class, I'm antisocial and I want my workout. THen I want to go home. It's like I've reverted into myself at this point and all interaction is really not necessary because I JUST want to do my own thing. Is that a bad thing? I think it's just where I'm at. It's not that I'm not thinking or applying the concepts, it's just that I need to sit and think quietly and not feel obligated to hit another human being or take hits during EVERY SINGLE CLASS. Sometimes, I don't want to be on the spot, and I don't want to talk. I talk all day long. I volunteer all day long. I'm on the spot ALL DAY LONG. This is my me-time. And I desperately need it.
I don't know why I'm writing all this. I guess I'm venting. It's just where I'm at and what I'm kinda dreading about class. THe rest of it is amazing, but I really would like to just push my limits in the class setting but still do my own thing. Not an option. Ah, and so I'll take and give the hits. I'd better not get kicked in the groin again! It fucking hurts.
I still love fu. It's still my passion. It'll take more than a few bad hits for me to change that.

Hope all is well.
I'm hanging in just fine.
Cheers
-the awe-struck ninja

2005-05-07T07:35:00.000-07:00

These days it seems like I'm floating in and out of what I call consciousness. Often times very present in my existence, other times very much detached from it all.
Been pretty reflective these days assessing different aspects of my life. Today I conclude that my life is still pretty fun. Going down to get my car fixed this mornign so I can go out to the camp with the kung-fu boys. Excited about that trip. Miss the camp and all of the stillness that exists there. I need stillness. In my line of works it seems i'm on survival mode most of the time andt hen when I do stop I feel exhausted (having emptied my cup). I can't seem to step entirely away from emptying my cup these days, and that's never a good thing to be doing.
Taking time out, stepping away from it all and taking time to just "be." Man do I ever need to just "be" for a little while. Took an awesome morning to myself today to enjoyt he sounds of Jack Johnson adn just clean my apartment, dancing aroudn like a fool setting up my baker's corner in the kitchen and making delicious tea... burning incense and candles and singing. Good times indeed. I love the weekend.
Biked to Oromocto yesterday with two good friends. Had a great time, but we really took our time on the way there. THe ride back was intense and very crisp. I enjoy the workout. I came to the realization yesterdayt hat I've hit the point in my workouts where I don't really attach my mindt o the workout anymore. I rather just accept it and go through with it. This is what it's been like in kung-fu and I realized yesterday that I'm getting htat way in my biking too. I get to the point where I know and accept that it hurts, but it no longer chages anything else. It's a nice place to be, possibly dangerous, but overall pretty good.
I gradutate next week. This is it. All student-ness in me will be gone. This makes me a bit anxious becuase I'm not sure that's where I want to be yet,b ut I guess like all other things, it just is, so I may as well not resist it.
nice day today. Looks like rain coming my way... should be pretty.
That is all. Continue as if youw ere normal! ;)

the ultimate question: Where are you?

2005-04-20T19:20:00.000-07:00

Where am I? What a difficult question this is to answer... where am I? Well, I'm teaching in the middle of a crazy strike never knowing from day to day what's to come except for more behaviour problems and more tension. I am very tired of it all. However, I do have a positive outlook for the majority of the day.
I'm spending my evening at home tonight listening to the soudns of Jack Johnson as they hypnotize me away from cleaning. My god I'm having a hard time getting myself motivated to clean my apartment. It's almost as if life is telling me: NO! That's not what you're meant to be doing tonight. You are, however, meant to be falling asleep while watching the Original Star Trek... you are meant to be playing with your pet rat, you are meant to be considering a bike ride while feeling guitly about not training yet today. (yes, I will do that as soon as I'm done cleaning... the mantis form won't perfect itself now, will it?) I am also meant to be taking some time to write in a blog about where I am because I suddenly had the urge to journal write quickly... because that's all it really is, isn't it? Fast typing-speed journal writing. Along with all this, I also wish to take a bath. A bath in the sense of cleaning the bathroom and then pouring a huge bubble bath in the tub and drinking a glass of wine while soaking myself in the hot water. Yes, this sounds good. I guess I should add go to the liquor store on my list.... oh, and I haven't biked on my new bike today. That needs to happen too! WOW! 3 hours to do it all... will it happen? no, but I might get some cleaning done and lots of procrastinating. I'll definitely get around to the bath, if nothing else, in my hiatus into the world of politics, I learned that a bath de-stresses me more than...... em.... chocolate? yes, chocolate, that's it.
When all that's done, I need to prep for tomorrow's teaching day. Wow. Teachers must have it easy...w e come home so exhausted that we have lost all drive at the end of the day.
Despite all of this, I love my job. Kids are so incredible! This continuously boggles my mind... the extent to which these children are completely incredible people...e v e ry s i n g l e o n e of them with a story to tell, a different path to follow...and in the midst of it all we have to guide them, comfort them, inspire them, teach them to discipline themselves and help them figure out where they want their lives to go. Hell, I don't know where I'm going or aiming to go next week... how do I handle this responsibility? What a difficult task! What an amazing task... what an overwhelming task! How do I take all of this on? One course at a time, one student at a time, when I can... one of the thousands of questions per day at a time. It will all unfold as it should...a ll I can do is experience it, right? right.
It's been a hard day's night, and now a hard night's day. Back to the procrastination of Jack Johnson's voice as I eventually get aorund to clipping off a few shards of the to-do-list.
Sweet dreams!
- that is all. continue as if you were normal.

and then there are the down-days. This is a long rant... don't carry this, but feel free to read it if you want.

2005-04-05T22:58:00.000-07:00

and today is a down day. I'm sorry, I know I've been all smiles and shiny happy peopleish so far. Today is not one of those days. Today I rant. Why is today crappy? It's part of perfectionism... and unfortunately, I am very much a perfectionist. I work on it, but today I suck at trying not to be a perfectionist. In fact, today I suck at everything. I'm pissed off because I'm not good enough. At what? might you ask... well, at everything, really. Today I just suck at life. Except for caring for my rat... Tink's doing great and I'm good at taking care of her... or at least, I'm a lot better than I was and I have a lot of fun playing with her. Playing with her was the highlight of my day. I love her. She loves me. She loves eating Kraft Dinner with me (In very small amounts...) and so we had fun playing together during my break.
So why are things crappy? Well, it all started with this stupid fucking teacher's strike. Don't get me wrong: it is a good idea for this strike thing to be happening or on the verge of happening or wherever we're at thus far... that's a good thing... resources suck and this current event makes a whole lot of sense to me... however, right now we're on a work to rule without withdrawing volutnary services....what does this mean? it means we're miserable, the kids are miserable and the days are difficult. Nobody else is miserable, so it accomplishes nothing but making us miserable and nobody else. Therefore, it accomplishes nothing. Redundant means repetitive. Redundant means repetitive. The kids are wired, the teachers are cranky, the admin is burning out and nobody's happy. What does this do to my awesome teaching environment? It all goes to shit. Today was no fun. Neither was yesterday, and I'm not so sure tomorrow's gonna get any easier. In fact, experienced teachers tell me it only gets harder. Does that mean I want us on an all-out strike? not unless we have to, which I think we will. Do I like this? Well, I didn't when I opened my power bill this morning. I need money, there's no strike fund...student loans aren't far behind... yikes. So that's rough.
Then, I come home and eat Kraft Dinner with Tink, as aforementionned... this was fun. But then it didn't sit well... so much so that I had to go to bed to digest it (but I wanted to nap anyway). I can't digest anything anymore... it started with milk and it keeps getting worse. Is this normal? no. What'll it be next? I can't digest water? sheesh. It's stupid. I probably can't digest anything these days because I don't realize (until today) how much stress I'm under.
THe other thing that's actually behind all of this... I think I might have melanoma... my massage therapist is sending me to a doctor because of a spot on my leg that I thought was dry winter skin. That makes me nervous. I don't want skin cancer. Nobody wants skin cancer... so that kinda blows. It's probably nothing. I'll be seeing a doctor this weekend, I reckon.
Hmmm... then I go to kung-fu and had a great workout until my sifu demonstrated a move on me with a leg sweep that wound up re-rolling my ankle that had finally healed completely from the summer. That's fine and dandy, but then they wouldn't let me walk to go get my own ice which pissed me off because I didn't want to get babied. The last thing I want is to be a girl that's babied at class because I'm one of the few girls (and a stubborn thing at that), so that got on my nerves... then I started walking and noticed that wasn't fun, and that got on my nerves. Plus, today, I'm very unhappy with my kung-fu. It's not fucking good enough. It's never fucking good enough. People are always going to be better, and I'm never going to measure up. (this is how I feel, not how it is, and I know this...) however... last time I felt this way I trained like a psycho-maniac-crazy-woman thing and got a new sash... so this low is pretty normal and probably really good for my training... and then I realized this, and that's when I rolled my ankle. Well fuck.
So what will I do? Well, last time I rolled my ankle, I still kept training... in fact, I ran home on it. This is probably what I'll do.
So that's my rant. In fact, things aren't that bad, I'm just cranky. This is normal, we all have those days... what's important is that I get the fuck over it and fast and move on and fix what needs to be fixed. So what will I do? Keep smiling at work, find ways to make others smile at work, get the melanoma thing checked and fix it (and use self-healing to fix it... aka Reiki along with regular medicine), eat foods that don't upset my stomache (options are limited here) and train like a wild mad tiger-monkey thing and wind up being the best fucking chick training kung-fu woman around. And someday, I'm gonna be kicking some serious ass! I fucking better, anyway. In the meantime, Tink'll keep me company. What a long day.
Time for some sleep, methinks.
Hope all is well.

sking and killer instinct... good times!

2005-03-11T18:02:00.000-08:00

back at it again...
the last few weeks have been completely insane. My psycho landlord rented out the old place and told me I had 13 days to get out of the apartmetn (I asked him to rented.. but I do know that the way he did that was super illegal... but I wanted out so I don't care. Yep. Moving... good times.... a few times during packing i was so tired that I woudlr andomly take this stuffed animal thing at the old place, put itright in my friend Liz's face and say at the top of my lungs: "trogdor!!!!"
I'm finally moved and restoring sanity. Got huge sunburn from going skiing today. Good times, good friends, good skiing.... good times!
the move was a pain in the butt, and my students thought it was hilarious to be seeing their teacher so tired all the time... they were super well-behaved during the whole thing too... it was awesome! :)
Halfway down one of the hills today, it dawned on me that I absolutely adore my life. How cool ist his to have 4 days off, paid for 2 of them, AND I get to go skiing... spending my weeks teaching at a job that I, although regularly get tired at this..., I absolutely adore it. My pet rat's the cutest thing in the owrld, my friends rock, my beau is an absolute sweetie, and this is my routine for the next 30 years or so... teaching, kung-fu, skiing, camping and travelling in the summers. WOW!
Counting my many blessings... it's been an enlightening day... they are few and far between... it was great to experience this one.
Well, that is allf or now, I need to get some sleep...
Cheers!

we are borg, reisstance is futile

2005-03-10T12:08:00.000-08:00

So I take the stupid long-ass bus ride all the way back home and only manage to get 2 hours of sleep in total... I am a walking zombie today. This was further reinforced by a ridiculous dental appointment. You see, normal people don't get hit by cars and go face first into the pavement only to need to see a tmj specialist for 7 years. I am not normal people. I'm nearing the end of it all. Today, he had a new toy to hook up to me that would allow him to have a 3d visual simulation of my jaw to place it exactly where it needs to be to fix me all up so I don't need to wear a bite plate. THere were metal gadgets in my mouth hooked upt o things that went to my ears and temples and forehead.... halfway through this setting up of the thinger, I just started laughing and said to my overly-serious dentist: "We are borg, resistance is futile"
and I laughed more than him or the dental hygienist. Sheesh!
The bus ride was super long and there were these teenie-bopper girl things that were sitting accross from me and they were SO RUDE and SO COMPLETELY Ignorant! I've never been so tempted to reach out and slap, hit or deface someone! The bus driver announces we're leaving montreal in French before explaing it in English because it's montreal, you know, the big city in Quebec... you know, quebec, the place with the french police where it's law to do things in french first... yeah, they were making htese rude remarks and I later observed them being completely unncecessarily rude to the driver. I was VERY VERY VERY NOT IMPRESSED! Again, they were lucky they didn't address me, because I would've definitely payed their attitude right back to them. God, some people are stupid.
Spent some time with my niece this morning since her mom had surgery today. SHe's pretty worried, but it was minor surgery and my sister is just fine... I showed up at the hospital to visit her and couldn't tell if she was sleeping b/c her glasses were on. I opened the door, and she was, in fact, sleeping... glasses on and all... those must be some good drugs! :)
That is all.

stupid weather

2005-03-09T12:37:00.000-08:00

So, I finally decided to fall asleep at around 3am or so only to wake up at a quarter to six... late doesn't even cover it... the bus takes off at 6am... well, that was okay because the bus still wasn't going, therefore leaving me stranded here and officially being a bad aunt because my niece was counting on my being home tonight. Instead, I'll (hopefully) be hopping on the bus at 10:20 tonight (well past her bed-time) to attempt sleeping until around 7:50 her time where I'll arrive, exhausted and ready to start playing with this cutie. I hope watching movies is in her list of things we should be doing while her mom's in the operation. Yeesh.
Today. Woke up at around 11:15, bummed around friend's apartment while she was gone to her classes. THEN, I dragged her ass out to go to Nickels (I know the chain's owned by Celine Dion, but I was sure I'd be able ot get a waffle with fruits and whipped cream on top of it there. I was sure. I'd beenc raving it for two days. Nope. Past dinner, the only thing you could get was a 2-egg breakfast (which woiuld've been exactly what I wanted a few days ago. Today I wanted a fucking waffle with fruits. Nope. Instead we got bad service, bad coffee, more bad service, a decent baguette (and she had a "passable" burger...) all of which were over-priced. Crappety crap crap.Nothing frustrates me more than bad service when the restaurant is clearly not busy. So, I wanted and had all intentions of leaving her no tip... but then the time came to do this, and I couldn't do it, so I left her a 2$ tip. I just couldn't do it. Having worked in the business, it's almost as if it's against my code to not leave a tip. I'm incapable of doing this.
On the way home, my friend had a dr's apointment, gave me her keys to come home. I hopped the metro in the wrong direction and decided to finish seeing all of the other stops in Montreal. I took a tour of the metro system. I am a lame-ass. And you know what? it was kinda fun.
Ran into a really strange character on the way to the food. This guy thought it was odd that I would blow bubbles int he subway on such a cold day. He asked me why I was doing it, to which I replied: "Why not?" Mainly, it makes people smile, and I think people frown too much in this city. So I decided to blow bubbles. The guy proceeds to ramble on about the trailer park boys and then tells us that he grows pot and has given up on legitimate jobs in the city. "un-huh" we reply. What do you answer to that? Sheesh!

2005-03-08T22:28:00.000-08:00

My little life... well, it's not very complicated. I just graduated in Arts and Education and teach grade 6 science, social studies, health and french. It's a good gig and I adore the kids I teach. Otherwise, I take kung-fu courses and spend a lot of time with my beau. He's pretty damned cool too. He'd laugh at me right now if he knew I was succumbing to such a stupid media idea thing. I dont' know how these things work yet, so I can't even justify it myself, but I'm kind of excited about it. Nobody who reads this will know who I am, so I can write about my life all I want for whomever to read. That's pretty cool. So I'm sitting in my friend's kitchen right now while everyone in her house is asleep. A small town girl on her last night in the big city. I was excited about the metro. No, seriously, I was. How ridiculous is that? I think Metros are the greatest things ever and all places should have them. I want one. No fair.Stupid canadian weatehr, I'm only pulling an all-nighter so I can sleep on the bus. I get ont his bus at around 5:30am. YUCK!City people are generally pretty rude and snooty. I don't get this. I come from a world where people at least nod when they walk by. Not here. THey're generally pretty rude. Except for one lady. I asked one lady how to get to this street and she gave me wrong directions, tracked me down, apologized, and then her and her friend drove me down about 5 blocks to get me where I was going. I was hesitant about getting into her car, but my kung-fu would kick her old asthmatic ass anyday, so I didn't stress it too much. Besides it was cold out. I might be naive, but I hate the cold more than I hate a good fight. In fact, I enjoy a good fight, so why waste my tiem worrying that some rather large middle-aged woman will kick my 23-year old kung-fu training to the point of puking on a regular basis ass. The odds are in my favour here. This was my day. This is not representative of my life. But overall, things are pretty damned cool.