blah and blah

So this is my world as of right now.
Went to coffee with an old friend today. We chatted for several hours and it was fantastic. This is the second friend this week I've had the honour of visiting with. He brought up to me today that he'd had a huge crush on me back in the day (and by back in the day, I mean 11 years ago). Why do boys do this? If I wanted you to tell me that, I would have asked! And so the awkwardness ensued and it was all confusing and uncomfortable. I hate it when that happens. Why can't I just be good buds with someone without all the boy/girl bullshit? I'm married for christ's sake! I'm not interested! Had I been interested 11 years ago, I would have said so! (Or have hinted at it!)
I had that issue then too. I have old friends who I considered the closest people in the world back then who threw the old "I want to go out" bomb. I hate this bomb. It ruins friendships!
I guess I should consider myself lucky, right? People were interested, and that's a good thing. Seriously though, it gets awkward. To the gentlemen readers - pay attention to social cues. Clue #1 - if she's married, don't bring up crushes from ages ago. It will only make her awkward.
Seriously.

So what else is new.

The back is acting up again. I'm worried about training. I started up again (FINALLY) and it was good. And then it wasn't. Just like that. I don't even know the moment on this one, but it got bad. My back hurts like a little bitch and I'm kinda crying for my mommy. Considering going back to swimming. Had started running and it started up. I guess Fu + running these days equals feeling like a little bitch. I will try it again soon though.

So our school is no longer training at the university and we've been building our own Kwoon. This equals construction work although I have to admit I've paid my money but haven't put in as much manual labour as I would like. Being a full-time teacher plus teaching extra-curricular plus a counselling internship plus taking a course equals too busy to do much manual labour. My husband is kinda doing manual labour for both of us which still isn't enough. I do feel some guilt about it, but I am honestly doing the best I can and it's only october and i'm already burnt out.

I've started learning how to meditate. I have a long ways to go, but it really grounds, me, man! I like it. It's calm, and not stressful and it helps me find peace.

I'm a bit drunk. On a thanksgiving monday. I'm classy like that. It's been about a month since I was last drunk. Here's what's up with that:
We're trying to get me knocked up. It didn't work again. I found out today. So with supper I had 2 glasses of scotch on the rocks. It was delicious. The up-side to me being all "trying to conceive" is that on the day that I realize it didn't work, I'm a really, really cheap drunk. So that being said, I'm really disappointed. Again. 2 months. I'm oober stressed anyway, so it's no surprise that it didn't happen, but still.. coming from huge catholic families, you'd think getting pregnant would be super easy, right? I did spend forever working at not getting pregnant, so I guess that's the irony of such things.
I'm really sorry. Optimism is a bit low, but I know it's all good and for the best and all that crap. I'm allowed one night of being a bit bummed out though, right? Conception sucks that way, you get all excited and then all of a sudden it's all like "am I preggers?" and then "oh, I guess it wasn't time" and sometimes it's really not so fun. I wonder what's in the cards for me for real, though. I hope the prego thing happens. I am kinda bummed, at the same time kinda not. It's all scary and I don't know how or when or if it'll happen and, well, being that I'm all "type A" and whatnot, it's not so good. I don't like not being able to micromanage everything. I suppose that's why the universe was all "nope, you're not ready! No soup for you!" on me. Yeah, that's what it's all about! Perhaps it's a lesson on letting go and being patient. I'm gonna take it that way and focus on learning to meditate. All things in their own time. Fingers crossed for a mini awestruck ninja!
That is all. Continue as if you were normal.