that one moment...

it's there. You're sitting in the ring facing your opponent, and you bow. Begin. It is the most intense feeling in the world when you fight someone. It feels like at that moment, you see the person for the first time. All of the rage, and all of the calm at the exact same time.
I had to fight at the end of class, at the end of an over-tiring day. Started runnign x-country lately, and I overdid it the past two days to the poitn where I injured my hamstring and it hurt to really use it. Then, at the end of a class when I think I'm done for a while, my sifu says he wants tos ee some forms and wants to watch me fight. Of course, he tells me this one thing at a time... well... I'm used to that now. When sifu says tojump, I jump, when he says to fight, I fight. I was exhausted though and I really didn't feel I did well at all. Apparently, everyone else thinks I've improved and I thinkt hat I still suck. Ah, the perils of learningto fight and do martial arts, (particularly kung-fu...) as you continue tod o it, you continue to realize how bad you areally are at it all.
So, I fought my fights. WHen I had to fight my chum, (he's a black sash, and very technically and physically sound hehe... hehe...) I got hit in the diaphram.... really hard. Harder than ever,a ctually. When I breathed in after this, it made the loudest sound.... almost like I was terrified... it hurt and all,a nd it was reallys carry, but mostly it was confusing. I didn't know I could make that sound. So, I panicked.... and kept fighting. I guess that's supposed to be a big step... continuing. My mentality about it all is that if I keep fighting or stop, itll hurt either way, I might as well keep going...
in that one simple moment, a lot of things made a lot of sense. I realized that I can continue no matter how bad it feels. (My hand, well, one of my knuckles was/still is swollen too about 1/2 of a golf ball at this point (hence the typos...s orry).
Then, my sifu talked to me about combinations and footowrk and made me fight again (another unexpected fight), which was fine and all, but I was so tired that I wanted to move faster, and I knew I had to, and I did inspurts, bbut my body just wouldn't really do what I wanted. It was so weird because I generally control it all, but at that point, it was one fight in my head, and what I was doing was completely different. Hmmm. I have much to learn, but it's coming. I'm terrified and not at all scared about the grading all at the same time. Less than a month left. I'm doing it regardless, so I guess being scared doesn't matter.
I'm figuring it out. I think it'll be fine.
I'm gonna stop typing now, my hand hurts.
That is all, continue as if you were normal.
-the awe-struck ninja