mixed emotions

So here I am on the first wednesday evening back from school. Wishing already that tomorrow will be a storm day. (It won't of course,t here have been no major storms this way yet this year, I'm hoping our time is yet to come. Watching waiting wishing.)
Spent a wonderful holiday both home and at my boyfriend's family's place. My brother was home for the first christmas in 11 years. Needless to say, it was a peak of amazing times and life felt very complete. The kids were up and unbelievably adorable. So much so that now that they're gone I've got a seirous case of the blues. Ah yes, the january SAD season and the blahs because summer seems SO FAR AWAY! Ah summer, how I miss thee!!!

My chum was home for family pictures and everything and my niece kept tellign him that he should marry her auntie. Needless to say, that spawned an interesting discussion between us after several drinks. We both agree that we eventually want to marry each other someday. That was pretty cool. It's funnyt hough, this is one of those discussions we've had but we both evade the topic otherwise. I know it'll happen someday, but we never say mucha bout it directly and it's pretty funny. I feel like that little kid witht he crush about to pass the note that says: "Do you like me? Circle one. Yes, no, maybe." tee hee.
I've never been so crazy sick in love before and it's a very different feeling. He's sleeping in our bed right now as I write this, and I have to say, he looks pretty cute. Okay, stop puking, I'm done now.

*end girly moment,a fter all, ninjas don't have feelings*

An old friend of mine got in touch with me recently and I have very mixed emotions about that conversation. He and I were very close when he lived here and we've always been good friends. In fact, he is one of my favourite people in the world and will always remain as such. I was left with the impression during our conversation that he'd had feelings for me and was rather dissapointed to hear of my current "shaked up" status. It broke my heart to think that I may have broken his. He's been away for 3 years now though, and nothing was ever really said between us. For a long time he was someone I called my "what if" guy. Everyone has one of those people, right? Well, he was mine, so to find out that I may have been his "what if girl" made me feel really odd. I would never change a thing, but I'd hate to thinkt hat I hurt him in any way. How do you approach someone about that though eh? "Hey, did you used to like me or what? Sorry if it sucks for you that I'm super happy now and that it'll never happen for ya. Best of luck with your life though!" Yeah, no. Who knows what the case is. He'll always be one of my best buds regardless of what may be in his emotions now. What a weird thing indeed.

So I'm back to school again and as much as I'm happy to be back, I'm really bored.
Part of me wants to go on sebatical so I can do something different. It's really stimulating work, but the kids are doing projets and it seems the motivation is just not there. I've gotten a ton of work done and I"m beyond cuaght up and even ahead of the game, really. I wonder if it'll always be like this. I know it's onrmal to feel weird at the start of this type of career though so that's probably the deal.


Kung-fu. Oh yes, did I ever slack off on that one over the holidays. All of a sudden I'm back into that and find out that I'm grading in 2 months. Can you say "kicking into overdrive?" Yeah. This is going to be interesting. I hope to walk normally again in 2 months!!! hahaha! Worked on kicking tonight and mentally rehearsed all of my forms. It was good times.

What else is new? Nothing really. It's all been pretty boring and super exciting all at once. Life goes and I experience it as much as I can and I'm damned happy about that. I think I'll keep on keeping on and see where it takes me. Sometimes it's a matter of finding stillness, right?
Take care of yourself.
That is all. Continue as if you were normal.
-the awe-struck-ninja